The Inside-Out Pizza Experiment.

Before I get to the recipe fail of the day, I wanted to share:  I painted my toenails!  Ok, ok, not usually exciting news, but this is the first time my toes have had color since Mother's Day...2010.

I'd like to thank my MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers) group for the new nail polish; the vacuum for having ridiculously similar markings on the "power" and "retract cord" buttons; and my husband for complaining about the buttons so much that I came up with the idea of painting one with nail polish. Most of all, I'd like to thank my two youngest children for playing together nicely for 10 minutes, without fighting or being so quiet that I would worry. (The phrase, "It's quiet...too quiet," applies better to small children than any monster in a horror movie.)

Sometimes I out-creative myself.  Tonight is a prime example.

I started with a can of crescent rolls.  I sorta remembered an "easy" pot pie recipe that ended with crescent rolls on top as the crust, so I went searching for it on Pillsbury.com.  I found several options.  So, armed with a recipe, I foraged in the pantry.  Phoo.  Not a single required ingredient was to be found.  Except the aforementioned crescent rolls.

Plan B: consult the cookbooks!  My husband picked up a new (to me, it was published in 2003) cookbook: Better Homes and Gardens, KID FAVORITES MADE HEALTHY!  150 delicious recipes kids can't resist!  (We shall see!)

Still no pot pie, or recipes that call for crescent rolls, but I did find this one: More-Cheese-Please Calzones.  I didn't have the frozen bread dough, the onion, zucchini, ricotta cheese, mozzarella cheese...you get the idea.  So, I took the basic concept and made up my own recipe.  It started as calzones, but the crescent rolls are triangle-shaped, so I named them:  Inside-Out Pizzas.

Since this is a brand-spanking new, never existed before, (and if they hate it, may never exist again) I include for your approval, testing, mocking, whatever...the recipe:

To start, I didn't have ricotta.  Poke in fridge.  Idea!  I had a half-brick of Trader Joe's Super Firm Tofu, and I seemed to remember reading a vegan recipe somewhere that used tofu-ricotta.  (What would you call that?  Tofotta?  Rifutta?)

So here is my recipe-within-a-recipe for...

Tofratta...Rifutti?  Whatever.

1/2 package TJ's Super Firm Tofu
1/4 Parmesan (really?  that's how it's spelled?  go figure.)
2 Laughing Cow Light Swiss Cheese wedges
1/2 cup milk

Place ingredients in blender and blend until...well, blended.  (Note: cut up the tofu first!  That stuff is SOLID!  Oh, and healthy.  Really high in protein and stuff.)  (Note the 2nd: this took FOREVER.  I think I need a new blender.)
I added about 1 tsp of Italian Seasoning to the torcatta-ritoto-turducken...(no, wait...that's something else entirely... ), for no other reason than it seems to need some color.  I did resist the urge to add broccoli!  Yay self control!

Next for the pizza:

Open can of crescent rolls.
Try not to jump and say "eek!" when it pops.
Unroll crescent rolls onto a baking sheet as 4 rectangles.

Mix filling:

4 shredded baby carrots (because I didn't have big carrots, sorry)
1/2 cup shredded cheese (I used Costco's Mexican blend.  It's what I have, I pretty much use it in everything!  Plus, I find it is less stringy when melted than mozzarella.)
1/2 cup Trader Joe's Tomato Basil Marinara

1. I smeared about 1 tsp of "ricotta" (that works!) on each crescent triangle, leaving space on the edge for sealing.

2. I plopped about 1 tbsp (sorry about all the "abouts", I really should measure more!) of the filling on one side of each triangle.
*This was the moment when I realized that the rectangle shape would not work.  Dur.  So, I sorta rotated the top crescent roll so they were more of a kite shape.

3. Dampen the edges, place the top onto the bottom triangle.
4. Use a fork to smoosh edges closed.  (Heh heh.  Smoosh. Smooshy smoosh. Sorry, that word is too fun!)
5. Poke holes in the top of each pizza "slice".

6. Sprinkle a pinch of cheese on top.
7.Bake for 15 mins. Oh, oops, forgot to turn on the oven.  So, back up to the top there and turn on the oven to 375.
8. Make sure to let them cool especially for little hands!

(Notice the salad.  My older kids are savvy.  If there is not a visible vegetable on the plate, they assume I've attempted to hide them in the food, and are much more likely to nibble cautiously, looking for the sneaky veg!  Sheesh.  You'd think my own kids would trust me...Mwa-ah-hah-hah-hah!)


Ready for a shocker?